Questioning

Following along a similar line to the previous post on reflection and the reader comment made me think of the book by Peter Block, The Answer to How is Yes.In it, Block writes that we tend to ask ourselves the wrong questions. These questions take the form of "How?" questions and tend to "(express) our bias for what is practical, concrete, and immediately useful, often at the expense of our values and idealism." 

Asking what Block calls Yes questions enables an individual or organization to focus on deeper concepts like values and purpose. Again, going back to the piece on reflection and the questions in the comments, this process is not always easy, nor should it be. However, when we do not look at bigger questions and concepts, we tend to get mired in the quick and easy answer, something that can lead us further from that which is important and worthwhile. 

For instance, one of the questions often asked is "How much does it cost?" Instead, Block suggests we ask ourselves, "What price are we willing to pay?" This price is not necessarily monetary. A bigger price can sometimes be paid when we take a risk and fail. The conversation though may lead to commitment to a path that leads to bigger things. As organizations and individuals, we must be willing to ask ourselves difficult questions and be prepared for the work that ensues as we look for answers that lead toward growth. 

Updating and Reflecting

A couple of weeks ago an account rep from a copier company came in and mentioned that he had read the post on "uncomfortable conversations." He said it pertained to him greatly, because as a someone in sales, the more uncomfortable conversations he might be able to have, the better he could serve his customers and create sales.

I didn't think much about it until later in the day, when a comment on the same post appeared that asked the question, "How many (uncomfortable conversations) have you avoided at the expense of growth or truth?"  The question caused me to reflect for quite some time. In fact, I am still asking myself that question and searching not only to answer that question, but to find an answer to the question of "Why?"  

Another thought that has occurred to me is that these conversations are not necessarily between two persons. The conversations we have with ourselves present some of the biggest obstacles to success. How often do we sit back and reflect on our own thinking and the discussions that occur internally? How does our own mind cloud our thinking, producing negative results? 

I am reminded of a Buddhist proverb that states, "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear."  If we open our mind to allowing learning to come to us, all sorts of opportunities come our way. 

Uncomfortable Conversations

An article in LeaderTalk got me thinking about some things. One of the contributors wrote of his new-found habit of starting conversations with strangers and learning from them. It reminded me of something Tim Ferris wrote in his book, The 4-Hour Workweek. To paraphrase the book - a person's success is related to the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.
I found that interesting, and along with the LeaderTalk article, have decided to pursue that a bit further. It seems to me, in this age of political correctness and more volatile society, that we sometimes avoid difficult conversations at the expense of growth or truth. Overcoming the fear of rejection or failure that accompanies talking to strangers or having uncomfortable conversations with anyone is the first step in achieving success at this type of communication. I would be interested to hear of success or learning that has occurred from an experience with this.

Advice

I was recently reading an article in the May 12, 2008 edition of Fortune. The article was entitled, "The Best Advice I Ever Got," and was an interview with several highly successful persons from the business world about the best, and for some the worst, advice they had ever been given. 

Indra Nooyi, chairman and CEO of Pepsico, was one of the interviewees and her best advice came from her father. He told her that, "whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent." Her thought is that too often we assume the negative intent, get angry, and risk missing an opportunity to learn something from someone else. What also tends to happen in those situations is that both persons in the conversation become defensive and negative and nothing good comes from that. 

I once learned from William Glasser in his book, Stations of the Mind, that there is a gap of time between stimulus and response. (I may be paraphrasing greatly, but that is how I remember it.) Anyway, in that gap, we have the opportunity to choose our response. So often, we choose unconsciously and allow emotions to direct our response. By adopting Nooyi's philosophy of finding the positive intent, we begin to see opportunities to listen, build relationships, and find success.  

We can Learn

I read a recent Scientific American online article about a study done that showed that certain memory exercises can bolster intelligence. There are critics of the study and its methodology, but if the data holds, it is a great finding. It is common thought among psychologists, that transference of improved intellectual skills from one kind of task to another does not work. This study would alter that line of thought.

As I think of this, I am reminded of the studies on expectations and success. Students whose parents and teachers hold high expectations and helped their students realize that they could learn tend to learn at a higher rate. In another study, students who were led to believe they could learn a subject, even if that subject were difficult for them, had more improvement than those that didn't believe. One example of this might be math. Too often I've heard from parents or other adults, "I understand why he/she can't learn math. I wasn't very good at it either." Instead, we must help our children see that learning some subjects may be difficult, it is not an impossible task. Giving examples of others who struggled with the subject before finally "getting it," helps provide students with a model for perseverance in learning.